When it's been me, my wife, and another dude, it's nice to make her the center of attention. Erik tackled the "does it make you gay" elephant in the room head-on by saying, "I consider myself very straight but also have those experiences in my past. How you identify your sexuality and who you have sex with, or adjacent to, doesn't have to line up to any cultural expectations.
I actually think that exploration helped me solidify who I am and what I want. But whether or not you embrace that fluidity, I think it's important to know that who you are, and what you do, can be separate things. Have you got a burning question of your own? My unscientific queries lead to the solid conclusion that, yes, lots of people are engaging in this kind of play. The reader asks, "I just want to know if it's normal or healthy for me to involve another guy in bed. Even though some of these examples show a degree of intimacy between the men, that doesn't need to be a feature of your threesome if that's not something you're comfortable with. In order to really dig into this issue I reached out to men who identify as straight or mostly straight and asked about their experiences having threesomes that included other men. Having extras of all of those can ensure better coverage on various erogenous zones. To circle back to the original question, is it normal to involve another guy in bed? The trick is being very self aware, so you can look out for any spots that might be uncomfortable for you and negotiate clear boundaries in advance. Just about any sexual scenario you can imagine is no more than a few willing bodies and a clear negotiation away from reality. There's nothing inherently unhealthy about inviting another man into your bed. But I felt really positive about it, like I was being helpful and supportive, and wanted both of them to have a good time and enjoy each other. Hawkeye explains, "There are ways to play that don't involve sexuality between men if that is an issue. Careful negotiation is key. In this case I actually put the condom on him before he penetrated my partner, it was the first time I had ever touched another man's equipment. I think gender and sexuality are fluid. Whatever you're into is probably fine, as long as it only involves consenting adults. But if you feel solid in your relationship, and confidant in your ability to negotiate both desires and boundaries with each other and with your potential third, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't make your fantasy a reality. An anonymous fellow echoes that point, "Compersion is also definitely real. How you identify your sexuality and who you have sex with, or adjacent to, doesn't have to line up to any cultural expectations. I think it helped me confirm that I am heteroflexible, and that I'm not inherently uncomfortable with all men. As for healthy, that's a trickier and more personal question. I only have two hands, one dick, and a single mouth. Be aware of your boundaries and intentions and it should be a great experience for everyone. The real question is weather it's healthy for you at this point in your life and in your relationship, and only you can answer that question. But given how stigmatized everything to do with sex and sexuality is, it's no surprise we worry about what stepping even an inch off the mainstream path means about us.
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