In reality, women and men are different. Reading these made-up conversations with made-up couples, who nod and gasp appropriately at all her revelations, is an exercise in pure frustration. That everyone is different and everything is normal; no two alike. Chapter 2 details the sexual response mechanism in the brain—the dual control model of inhibition and excitation, or brakes and accelerator. And I guess if what you want is something therapeutic rather than just informative, then this will fit the bill pretty well.
Or were they never in love but were forced to marry, and finally became free when they divorced? All of them turn the science into something practical that can genuinely transform your sex life. The answer is nearly always: A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and never experience spontaneous sexual desire. Chapter 4 focuses on two primary emotional systems, love and stress, and the surprising and contradictory ways they can influence your sexual responsiveness. We are all the same. She has taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education. There were times when I wanted to throw this book across the room, and it's only thanks to the good fortune that I was reading it on my iPad that I was forced to press on. So, you gradually learn to relax it when you want. No way I can one-star a book saying something as close to my heart as that. I learned that I am normal! Unfortunately, while there's about a 50 percent overlap between male genital response and how aroused he feels, for women, there's about a 10 percent overlap between blood flow to the genitals and how turned on she feels. A lot of couples will get to the point of being married and it's not until they want to have kids that they seek treatment because women can be fully functional, sexually, otherwise, but just not be able to experience penetration. Synthesizing new research and theory about sexuality with old-school sex-positive information of the sort you didn't learn in sex ed unless, perhaps, you are a Unitarian, or Scandinavian, or lucky enough to be in Dr. But, pleading confidentiality issues, Nagoski instead invents fictional couples who she says are composites of the many people she has treated in real life, and the book is interspersed with transcripts of how these fictional people were fictionally treated. There are lots of interesting studies that bear on these ideas in various ways. This book is a collection of answers. Desire for sex is very sensitive to context: Arousal first, desire second. The basic idea is that while some people can get turned on while walking down the street or doing the dishes, for others it's something that only happens in response to situations that have already been made explicitly erotic. Naturally as a British passport-holder I cannot read this stuff without feeling my toes clench and my testicles retract into my body, and the narrative tone doesn't help either. The one thing I can count on regarding sexuality is that people vary, a lot. And it was also assumed that because men experience spontaneous, out-of-the-blue desire for sex, women should also want sex spontaneously. The good news is that when you understand how your sexual response mechanism works, you can begin to take control of your environment and your brain in order to maximize your sexual potential, even in a broken world. The science says so.
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