Most sex therapists agree that having sex less than 10 times a year is reason enough to label your marriage a sexless one. However, another study, printed in The University of Chicago Press about 10 years ago, stated that married couples are having sex about seven times a month, which is a little less than twice a week. Diminishing hormone levels, the aging process and the distractions of life tend to lower our sex drives and our ability to perform , and there's not a whole lot we can do about it. Just make sure that if you both say yes, you really mean to say yes. Not having sex doesn't mean these couples aren't deeply in love, monogamously committed and happy together.
But despite these declines in hanky panky, our lives are far from sexless. That said, non-genital touch, massage, hugs, holding, talking and emotional intimacy are every bit as effective as sex in terms of developing closeness and relationship trust. Diminishing hormone levels, the aging process and the distractions of life tend to lower our sex drives and our ability to perform , and there's not a whole lot we can do about it. It just means that sex isn't as high a priority for them as it is for some of their friends, neighbors or people they see on TV and in the movies. The key is how well a couple negotiates the times when one initiates and the other refuses. Sure, this sounds horribly unromantic, but really it's quite the opposite. Take your art-lover wife to a museum, your sports-junkie husband to a pro football game. However, another study, printed in The University of Chicago Press about 10 years ago, stated that married couples are having sex about seven times a month, which is a little less than twice a week. Not having sex doesn't mean these couples aren't deeply in love, monogamously committed and happy together. I believe that sex matters: As long as your sexual behavior or lack of it isn't illegal, affecting your self-esteem, troubling to your relationship or leading to negative life consequences, why worry? Couples who search together for the right scent of massage oil are off to a great start. Plan a surprise date that involves an activity you know your partner enjoys even if it's not your favorite thing to do. Hug each other each day, exercise to increase your testosterone levels, and turn off the distractions, like the computer and TV. It's amazing what a little change of venue can do for a stale sex life. Contact us at editors time. Usually a little bit of effort is enough to revive a flagging sex life, especially if the emotional connection between you and your partner remains strong. Typically, they only worry about things if they are sexually addicted and their carnal compulsivity is causing problems. When couples stop having sex, their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. It is also important to recognize that you and your partner can be physically intimate without actually having sex. Some people are heterosexual; others are homosexual or bisexual. If you are still having problems with being able to engage in intimacy, seeing a sex therapist may really help you and your partner land on the same page! And there is always the possibility that one partner may be having an affair. In fact, numerous studies have shown that lack of sex corresponds directly with marital instability and thoughts of leaving a relationship. After all, who doesn't look forward to a massage?
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